The Lost Dog Notice

Spotty was born on the 4th September 1999 and went missing on the 16th November 2006 (yea, I am pretty good at memorizing dates). He was born to Yoyo and Tutu (his late mother) and was the youngest of 4 puppies. Spotty was the least likable of all his siblings. He was dark and skinny with his ribs jutting out whereas his siblings had full soft white fur and were healthy and playful (they could easily have been featured as puppies playing with a cotton ball or clean white towels in a Softlan commercial :P) Spotty was sickly looking and was constantly overshadowed by his siblings. So, it was no surprise when the other puppies were snatched up for adoption while Spotty remained (which we teased him that no one wanted him) and THANK GOD FOR THAT. (He did grow up healthy though, sturdy even)

Spotty or more amicably known as Chai Chai (means Son or Boy Boy in Cantonese) or Fei Zai (Fat Kid) or Wat Tat Lou (Awkard, gross man. Nickname courtesy of my sis) and Ah Pek, was an unconventional pet by any means. He was awkward looking, hence the nickname, with a little head with too much black fur on it that was too small to match his body. We often laughed when he lost balance and rolled down the stairs like a ball as his bum was much bigger than its head, causing him the imbalance. I can tell you, there was NOT a single day in his life where he was not affectionately jeered by my sister and I. We would call him stupid, ugly, fat, disgusting, useless and all sorts of supposedly derogatory names but in the most yuckingly sweet tone (I know, we probably have issues showing affection, LOL)


See what I meant about his big bum

Spotty was incredibly clingy and manja. He could tail you day and night and not get tired of it. Yet, he was fickle as well. He could be tailing me and if he suddenly saw mum or sis, he would run over and tail them and completely forget about me. He, being the royal spoilt dog in the family, slept in mum's bedroom and after mum's passing, in my room and sis's room. Spotty was always an early sleeper and riser. He would sleep by midnight and wake at dawn and he would jump onto your bed and start sniffing you to wake you up so you could let him out. And often,we would wake up laughing while playfully pushing him away. In fact, this is exactly why we loved him. He made us laugh everyday.


Spotty in my room

He was a good dog by many definition. He would bark incessantly whenever a stranger rings the door bell much to the annoyance of our neighbors, he never ran out of the house though he had many opportunities to do so. On the contrary, whenever the other dogs ran out and returned, Spotty would be waiting at the gate and ferociously barked at them, apprehending them and giving them a piece of his mind for running out in the first place. Dad and bro who were not too big fans of dogs, couldn't help but loved him as well. Even my Indonesian maid adored him and called him her 'sayang'(dear, darling) and Spotty would understand her when she said 'makan' (eat), or 'kencing' (go pee) and tidur (go sleep).

Spotty loved life and was full of it. If he didn't sleep in our rooms the night before, we would have to tiptoe down the stairs the next morning in case we'd set him off into a crazed frenzy. We would spot him from the corner of the stairs staring at us intently, not moving, like a wild beast eying its prey before moving in for the kill. Then we would freeze and stare back at him while trying very hard not to laugh at his intensity. Moments later, we'd break the freeze and run and of course he would go berserk. He would run and yelp and be shaking all over in excitement. And of course we were more than happy to entertain him. Sometimes we even played rough. Poor Spotty had been 'rugbied' by me where I pounced on him and tackled him to the ground and poked/tickled him. And of course, he was always at the losing end (Yea, I know I should pick on someone my own size :p). Sometimes, he would try to scare me by 'biting' me and I always let him by putting my hand in his mouth but he never bit me though. Then I would suddenly turn around and forced his paw into his mouth and clamped it shut so he could have a taste of his own medicine (Guys, do NOT imitate this at home. This is not a dog training manual. This is just one of the many crazy, unconventional things we do with a crazy, unconventional dog). There were times where I would hug him and not let go and Spotty would be struggling to break free (futile attempts, of course) until he wailed. Then I'd let go and walk off and he would come tailing after me, wanting more. This is why we always said he 'asked for it'.

The list could go on and on. There will never be enough words to convey the relationship Spotty had with all of us. He has been missing for 21 months now (He wandered out of the new house the first day we moved in and never returned) and I still have not given up hope. I miss him every single day of my life. He made me laugh and he STILL makes me laugh now whenever I reminisce at the joys he brought us.


Spotty, whether you are still alive somewhere out there or perhaps you are now by Mum's side in heaven being her ever faithful companion, I hope that in your canine understanding of the world and people, you know that we love you. You are family and you are the best dog we've ever had. Thanks for bringing so much joy into the family and you taught us compassion, love, patience and responsibility. You shall never be forgotten. You are one hell of an amazing dog, Spotty Chan Chai Chai.

Terrors of The Night

It was the 25th July 2008, somewhere around 1600-1900 hrs. I was napping at the apartment after a long day of rehearsals for the finale of So You Think You Can Dance and I experienced it - Sleep Paralysis.

It was dark in the room as the curtains were drawn. I had a restless sleep and was still exhausted after the nap. I woke and to my horror, I realized I was paralyzed all over. I mustered every ounce of strength in my body to utter a word, to wiggle a pinky but was vain in attempt. I saw my roommate sleeping next to me and I attempted to call out to her. I was screaming for her attention, yet not a sound came out (I later asked if she heard me mumble in my sleep or noticed something unusual and she said no)

Amidst the confusion and petrified with cold fear, I realized I was having an episode of sleep paralysis. I vaguely remembered mum describing her experience to me many years ago and I have heard of the Chinese term '鬼壓身/鬼压身" (pinyin: guǐ yā shēn) or "鬼壓床/鬼压床" (pinyin: guǐ yā chuáng), which literally translate into "body pressured by a ghost" or "bed pressured by a ghost." However, my brain also triggered the memory of having read somewhere that it had something to do with bad sleep posture where your airway is constricted and your body starts to 'shut down' with the lack of oxygen pumping into your blood.

Despite knowing what it really was and being able to attach a scientific explanation to it, the fear persisted. Panic enveloped me and the darkness engulfed all of me. I felt I was strapped down by invisible bounds and that my vocal chord was cut off. Seconds or minutes later, though it felt like eternity, I finally broke free of it, relieved but still drowsy with sleep. So, I turned to the other side and went back to sleep, only to have it happen all over again, twice. I had experienced sleep paralysis 3 times in one nap.

When it happened, I sensed a presence in the room. I did not see, hear or smell it, but I felt a malevolent being. I checked out of the apartment after my elimination on the show and only returned 6 weeks later to prepare for the grand finale. And in that 6 weeks, my remaining housemates have reported on several occasion of supernatural encounters. My housemates CC, Sarah and Zef had claimed to experience unexplainable stuff that they do not talk about anymore. From what I was told, the occurrences got really rampant to the extent that 8TV was alerted of it and at some point, none of the girls were brave enough to be in the apartment alone and they started sleeping together in the same room.

And in the crystal clear state of mind I was in, this piece of information was not particularly helpful in calming myself. I silently prayed and asked 'it' to not harm me and that I acknowledge and respect 'it' making its presence known and I promised 'it'll have its peace back soon.

As sudden as it happened, the fear lifted and instead of sensing the malevolent being, I sensed my mum (My mum had returned to God's hands 6 years back). Again, I did not see, hear or smell her. I sensed her. You know the feeling when you are asleep and your mum quietly comes in and puts down a glass of water on your bedside table or pulls up your blanket? That's how it felt.

Then I woke up and everything seemed normal, only that I could barely explained what just happened. It was until weeks later that I researched on it and realized it was called Sleep Paralysis. Apparently, it is a very common occurrence that people all around the world have reported of and is scientifically explainable. However, in many cultures, it is tied to supernatural, psychological and religious angles.

(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sleep_paralysis)
(http://www.castleofspirits.com/sleepparalysis.html).


Personally, I actually believe in the latter. I believe there are other beings coexisting with us (I mean surely we humans cant be so full of ourselves to believe we are the masters and only existence in the universe), on a different plane or parallel worlds. But sometimes, the universe screws up and parallels intersect. I believe 'they' mean no harm and and is merely trying to make its presence known. Actually, I don't know what to think anymore yet somehow I feel there's a forced explanation in the scientific department for it. So, do share with me if you have experienced sleep paralysis or just to share your thoughts on it.

All I know is, I really wouldn't want to experience it ever again.

So You Think You Can Dance

So You Think You Can Dance Malaysia Season 2 has finally wrapped up on the 1st August 2008 after months of auditions and live shows. A new star is born (congrats to CC who happens to be my housemate :)and the season ended with a bang. I feel very honored to have been part of the top 20 contestants of the show this year but in many ways, I am also relieved that its over and it is now time to move on and search for new directions and priorities in life.

My appearance on the show was brief as I was most unfortunately, the first female contestant eliminated. Luck truly was not on my side when my partner pulled Tango out of the hat for our genre for the first week. My forte is in Ballet/Contemporary/Jazz/Lyrical/Gymnastics and I have also been trained in Salsa/Street Latin/Street Jazz and Hip Hop. Anything from the ballroom genre would have been my kryptonite and it so happened that I picked Tango when my partner and I had not even established a close connection. The differences in our physique probably even made the whole performance agonizing to watch. I accept my defeat as the performance was severely passionless, void and clumsy even.

I was devastated when I left the show. I thought I'd never be happy again. For the past two years, the only thing that kept me going in life was the hope of making it to the top 20 and I did, but it ended even before it had really sunk in. I was crushed and sad at first to leave the show and the rest then I was disappointed that I did not get to work with any of the choreographers I had been hoping to work with and that I did not get to show Malaysia what I am capable of. And after feelings of sadness and disappointment subsided, I started feeling angry at myself for screwing the best thing that has ever happened to me then I started feeling angry at everything (the music, the choreography, the audiences, the judges, the producers, the costume etc), then I started feeling guilty for being angry. And after all the emotional roller coaster which all took place within two weeks, I woke up one day and it was like poof, I went back to being normal and happy again, as if none of these has ever happened.

It has been an experience for sure. There have been ups and downs. I can't articulate the whole of my experience on the show in a blogpost. I would not say it was the most amazing experience ever nor was it a bad experience, but it was an experience and I am just grateful to have had this chapter in my life.